My Reasons III: Babysitting
by Gambit's Nightmare
Summary: Sinister babysits Remy's kids for two weeks. Complete!
1. Food Shopping

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

**Chapter 1 – Food Shopping**

Mr. Sinister pushed the grocery cart through the crowded grocery store and threw some random food items in. "What are Twinkies?" He flipped the box over and read the ingredients. "No food value. The veritable Morlocks of the food industry."

His young granddaughter sat in the shopping cart and smiled at him adoringly. "I like Twinkies!" Her eyes sparkled at him.

"These are not healthy." He said, trying to be firm.

She suddenly frowned and looked down. "Okay, grandpa." Her slight whine and submission to his request forced a sigh out of Sinister. "Dr. McCoy lets me eat them."

Hating any and all competition for Becky's affection, he caved under the pressure. "Just this once!" He said, throwing the Twinkies in the basket and watching the girl smile. "Where are the twins?"

_Ka-Boom!_

"_**Cleanup Aisle Five! Cleanup Aisle Five!"**_

Sinister gripped the basket firmly. "Well, I'm sure 'aisle five' is a good guess. What do you think, Princess?"

"We could leave them here." The girl said sweetly. "There's plenty of food!"

Essex chuckled at the girl. "That is a very good idea, but Mommy wouldn't like that." He still wasn't sure how he'd been stuck watching Remy and Liz's three kids for two weeks, but they'd only been gone for six hours and he was feeling old.

"Neither would the other people that shop here!" Becky said to her grandfather, who laughed harder as they made their way to aisle five. "Laun…dry det-t-ter-gent." The girl said, reading the sign, making Sinister smile proudly before confronting the hellions.

"Etienne, Adam, Come here." He said to the two boys that were covered in a strange white powder. "You are covered in powdered soap. Why?"

Etienne spoke first. "We ummm…spilled some soda and wanted to get it out."

"And we thought the powder would be less messy!" Adam added, as he purposely dusted some of the powder onto Becky, who started to cry, unsurprisingly. Sinister was fairly sure he'd have spent a lot of time crying with brothers like those. No amount of discipline could tame them in the least bit. They were like wild animals.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to start fights with your sister?" He barked angrily at them. "And to stay with me?" The boys shot the trademark Lebeau smirk at him and shrugged. "Don't give me that look, you are both grounded when we get home!"

Sinister looked up and saw two teenaged girls watching him scold the boys. "Tampons are four aisles over!" He hissed at them as they rolled their eyes and walked away. "I can't take this." He said, turning back to the twins, who had already disappeared. "Is that everything off the list?"

He looked over to see that Becky had drawn something he couldn't quite make out all over the list. Scribbles! "Do you like it? I made it just for you!"

"Of course I like it, Princess." He said, masking his disappointment that his well-organized list was hidden under a picture of…something.

"It's a picture of you, Grandpa!" She smiled widely at Essex, who smiled back at the girl and looked down. 'I hope I don't look like this. A big pile of scribbles. Red crayon scribbles.' "Where did you get crayons since we left home?"

"Adam." She replied. Sinister groaned. He and Remy were having some severe conflicts as to teaching the children about theft in general. Adam tended to agree more with Remy's opinion of it. "What's wrong, grandpa, you don't like it?" He looked down at the girl's watering eyes and quickly changed modes.

"Becky, it is a darling drawing. But grandpa's list is ruined and he doesn't know what to…" Becky's little hands turned the drawing over and there was the list, still intact, on the other side of the drawing. He kissed the girl on the forehead and let out a sigh of relief as he looked over the list.

"**_Is there a Grandpa Sinister in the store? Please report to the Management Office. That's a Grandpa Sinister to the Management Office!"_**

Sinister looked back down at Becky. "If we left them here, would you tell on me?"

"Nuh-uh!" She said over-enthusiastically, making Sinister laugh as he went to go claim the twins and get them out of whatever trouble they'd gotten into.

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Am I beating a dead horse? Yes.

Is it fun? Yes.

Are you going to leave me a comment? Yes!


	2. A Conversation Between Geniuses

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

**Chapter 2 – A Conversation Between Geniuses**

Remy and Liz collapsed on the bed and snuggled. "A vacation from the kids? Just what we needed." Remy smiled and held Liz's hand on his chest. She looked up and giggled, running her fingers through Remy's hair, paying close attention to the fading strands near his temples. "You're going gray on me, old man!"

A sloppy, sideways grin formed on Remy's face. "Oui? Y'still love Remy?" He pushed her back and tickled her, making her squeal madly with laughter.

"No!" She said, struggling against his hands. "No no…"

"Non?" Remy pouted and kissed down her stomach, looking devilishly at her as his tongue slowly trailed farther down. "Y'know Remy gonna try t'change y'mind, right chere?"

_Ring! Ring!_

"Bonjour," Remy said, annoyed.

"_Remy, it's me, they're driving me mad!"_ Remy chuckled at his father-in-law's apparent frustration.

"We been gone f'less dan a day. An' y'interrupting us." Remy replied. "Remy'd rather be usin' his tongue fo'somt'ing else dan talking t'ya."

"_REMY! You stupid lazy ass, I do not want to know that!" _Sinister screamed as he nearly gagged. Even after years, he still couldn't get over the idea of the Cajun touching his daughter. The laughter on the other end of the phone just infuriated him more.

"Desole," Remy muttered smugly. "S'how are da kids?"

"_Becky is sweet."_ Sinister said. _"The boys…"_ Sinister groaned, and Remy found himself smiling. "_I made the mistake of taking them grocery shopping today. They exploded a box of powdered laundry soap, stole crayons, and – I'm guessing this is your lewd contribution to their upbringing – flirted with the young daughter of another shopper. Her mother threatened to beat them both senseless and somehow they managed to knock down three rows of shelves like dominos. Really, Remy, why?"_

"Boys will be…MERDE!" He heard a muffled noise, then a giggle. "Hold on!" More noise and Sinister could faintly hear Remy talk to Liz. "Not now, Liz, Remy let y'do whatever y'want after he gets off da phone. 'Sides, it's y'pere."

Sinister's face contorted with disgust and he considered hanging up, then changed his mind when he heard Liz pick up the phone. "Daddy? How's it going?"

"_Smooth, like the time we saw Victor Creed ice skating."_ Liz laughed. _"Are you having a nice time, darling?"_

"Of course!" She paused and giggled as Remy briefly tickled her, then she sighed. "Daddy, have you considered dating?"

"_Dating? Why on earth would I want to date?"_

"Because, you could really use a female companion. Or male…you are straight, right? You've never really been—"

"_LIZZIE! How is it that you think you got here?"_ Sinister exclaimed.

"Oh, I always just thought you hatched me out of a pod or a cocoon or something. You're kind of weird like that…" She trailed off. "But yeah, I've thought of several potential woman for you….Wait…Whoa, are you saying that I entered this world by normal means? That you like, ewwww!"

"_I only date older women." _Sinister said sarcastically.

"Right…Anyway, I was thinking Emma Frost, she'll meet you at that cute little restaurant we went to for my birthday at eight on Friday. Beast said he'd watch the kids! Bye Daddy!" He heard the phone put down and frowned.

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_Clang!_

Essex's eyes shot open as he glanced from side to side. He didn't want to know what the noise was, but he was sure it probably also accompanied a mess.

_Ka-Boom!_

Adam's laughter came from the kitchen, and Sinister immediately leapt from his bed, pulling a t-shirt on haphazardly. He walked into the kitchen to see the two boys hovered over a pile of ashes. Looking around, he scanned the room to find out what was missing.

"What was that?" He finally growled, half asleep. "It's five in the morning, why are you even up?"

"Why not?" Adam replied. "We're hungry!"

Being their grandfather, Sinister knew he was largely unable to go back to bed knowing they were hungry. He sighed and went to the refrigerator, taking out ingredients and pouring them lazily into a bowl. "Are you going to tell me what you blew up?"

"Becky's drawing. She's such a suck up!" Etienne said, putting his hands on his hips crossly. "You treat her better than us!"

Sinister sighed in frustration. "I treat you based on how you behave. You're lucky I don't sell you two to the circus."

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**Next Chapter: The Big Date – Sinister decides to have Frost over to his lab, chaos follows!**

**Prexistence – **Thanks! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**BlkDiamond – **Hahahaha! Oh man…that's definitely going into the story later.

**B Oots – **Kids in grocery stores are so funny. :D

**BJ – **Horses scare me. Have you ever noticed that Marvelverse manages to have an armadillo man but not a horse?

**Pika – **I discuss that at length both in my profile and the first installment.

**Leave me a review, por favor.**

**:D**


	3. Grampa Gets Laid

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

**Chapter 3 – Grampa Gets Laid**

Sinister nervously fixed his tie for the millionth time as he walked through the kitchen and pressed the button on the answering machine.

"_Hello, Nathaniel, this is Hank. I've had some uhh…personal matters come up. Perhaps the children can accompany you on your date?"_

After a few choice words, Sinister picked up the phone and called Emma, who hesitantly agreed to meet him at Sinister's place. "Kids!" He yelled, waiting as they noisily came to him. "I am having company. You will go to bed and stay there at eight. You will go in your rooms, turn out the lights, pull the covers over your little heads, and sleep."

They stared blankly at him.

He continued, his stern expression conveying a seriousness the children had never seen. "You will not come out. You will not blow anything up. You will not bother us for any reason, at any time. You will not let your pet reptiles out to play. You will not, under any circumstances, make noise. Am I clear?"

Adam said, "Can we –"

"NO." Essex said, cutting the boy off. "Now, give me a kiss and go to bed."

The children went along with his orders and disappeared quickly. He was quickly pleased with himself and smiled as he lit the candles on the table.

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"So, Nathaniel…" Emma said to Essex, who nervously shifted as they sat on the couch. "Jean says you gave her the best massage of her life." She turned and removed her over shirt, exposing her open back under the halter top she wore. He morphed into his more human-looking form and smiled at her. "Nathaniel! Tell me you're not nervous!"

"Yes, well." He said. "The last time I had sex was nine months before my 30-year-old daughter was born."

Emma laughed at him and smiled. "I always thought that evil men were sluts."

"I was never that kind of 'evil,' Emma." He said, shyly.

She laughed and straddled his lap. "Well, maybe you need a little Frost in your life." Emma whispered in his ear. He nervously shuddered. "Which way is your room?" She said as she wiggled around on his groin.

"Uhhh…" He stared at the ceiling, trying desperately to remember what that sentence met. "My room? I forget…" He remembered a few moments later and carried Emma in that general direction, kicking the door open in front of them.

Meanwhile, the three Lebeau children were all sitting in Becky's room. Becky was sitting on the bed with her arms crossed. "I don't like her!" Secretly, she was jealous her grandfather had neglected to read her a story that night so he could hang out with another girl.

"Let's go see what they're doing." Adam said. The three children scurried down the hall silently and put their little ears to the door.

"_Ohhhhhh! Oh God!"_

"Is she hurt?" Becky whispered. The older boys shrugged and Adam picked the lock and opened the door about a foot. Three little heads peeked in and then quickly the door slammed.

Essex heard the door slammed and looked down at Emma in horror. "Oh hell. My grandchildren just walked on me having sex."

Emma frowned. "They're probably freaked out. We might as well finish." Emma said.

"True." He replied.

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**10:00 AM, The Next Day**

"So…" Essex said, scooping ice cream into a bowl. "What does grandpa need to do to keep what you guys saw last night a secret from Mommy and Daddy?"

"I want a pony!" Becky said.

"Done!" Essex replied.

"A unicorn!" She specified.

"It may take awhile, but grandpa can make one." Sinister said. "What about you two?"

"I want a tree house." Adam said. "The kids at school all have nice ones. I want the best!"

Essex sighed. "I bet none of the kids at school have treehouses with functioning elevators and an indoor playground." He hated bribing them, but there was no way he'd face his son-in-law after this.

_Ring! Ring!_

"Hello?" Essex said, as Emma slowly walked down the hall wearing a pair of Liz's pajamas.

"_Remy 'tinks we need t'have a talk." _Essex groaned and walked with the phone into the empty lab. _"You know, Liz and Remy been havin' sex f'years witout bein' caught."_

Remy laughter gave Sinister that old I-want-to-murder-my-daughter's-husband feeling. "I locked the door!" He paused. "Although, the gesture has little merit in a house of Lebeaus. Damn you and your…lock picking genes! How the hell do you and Liz manage?"

Remy continued to laugh. _"Y'fucken' nuts…but Remy gotta know somet'in'. Was Emma good?"_ Sinister smiled as he heard his daughter smack Remy. _"I mean, did y'have a nice date?"_

"It was lovely, Remy." Sinister replied sarcastically. "Now, I need to go design a treehouse, genetically engineer a unicorn, and…I don't know what the other one wants."

"_Have fun, Dad!"_ Remy said, chuckling.

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Leave me a comment!


	4. Monsters

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

**Chapter 4 – Monsters**

Essex leaned over a microscope in his lab, talking to himself. He had begun doing this more of the late; whether it was because he felt he was the only rational person that lived at his lab or because he was losing his mind he was not sure.

"I remember when I used my powers for my own purposes. Genetic Engineer!" He muttered and poked a few cells. "And now, I'm making a unicorn. Such an effective use of immortality and genius."

"Grampa?" He looked down at Becky. "If you don't wanna make me one, you don' have to. Momma says you have to help people sometimes."

'_And she's learned the Guilt Trip.' _He thought to himself, groaning slightly. "Of course I want to make you a unicorn!" Essex said, lying. Thankfully, his years as one of the world's greatest villains had left him well-versed in the art. He was thankful, however, that that Etienne had been somewhat simple in comparison to the others – he just wanted to go to Disneyworld. Simple enough!

As Becky walked away, she screamed and crawled up one of Sinister legs, making him jump and scream like a woman. He looked down and picked the girl up, glancing at what she was pointing at.

"ADAM! ETIENNE! NOW!"

The two boys, dressed and ready for school, ran into the lab and bore their 'Don't be mad at me, Daddy taught me how to do that' smirks. "Where is your pet snake?" He asked them. The two boys looked at each other.

"In his cage?" Adam said. He met his grandfather's eyes and knew they were in trouble.

"We don't know?" Etienne continued.

Sinister put Becky down and picked up the python. "Hmmmm…" He said out loud as he looked over the large snake. "No, Trix still has no opposable thumbs to open his cage, or even hands or arms, for that matter. So, who was the last person to let him out?"

They pointed to Becky, who stuck her tongue out. "I won't touch that monster!"

Sinister sighed. "Do you even know how dead we'll all be if Trix eats another one of your mother's rabbits? I'm not going to stay up all night cloning a rabbit again so she doesn't find out." He remembered his panic the day he came in and Trix had a conspicuous lump in his long body. The boys had, of course, named the snake after the white rabbit associated with the cereal to slyly commemorate this event.

After taking them to school, he slowly walked into the kitchen and saw a panty-clad butt leaned over in front of the open fridge. Emma. _'Emma has such nice buttocks.' _He thought to himself as he approached and lightly smacked it.

"EEK!"

"Oh god…Liz!"

"DAD!" She shrieked. "What the fuck?" Her cheeks had turned a deep shade of red as she stood in front of her father clad in nothing but lingerie.

"What…what are you doing here?" He said. "You're supposed to be gone, and that was supposed to be Emma's ass!"

"You're supposed to be in the lab working on your unicorn!" She yelled back. "Disgusting! Ugh! This is so much worse than you walking in on me and Remy. Geeze! All I wanted was to transport over, raid the fridge, and then leave!"

"Please…go." Essex said.

After Liz was gone, he walked back to his room, crawled into bed with Emma, and went back to sleep. '_Over 150 years of life, and that was most definitely my most embarrassing moment.'_

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"Merde, dat's gross." Remy said, bearing a disgusted smirk. "So y'dad likes t'spank, eh? We gonna have tease Emma!"

Liz hit him in the face with a pillow. "I never want to remember what happened earlier. You talk about it, and you will never get sex from me again."

Remy scratched his chin and pretended to be deep in thought. "On one hand, Remy's been dyin' to take y'dad and Emma down a few notches. On da other, Remy's too lazy dese days and don't want to put da effort forth to please hisself."

"So, in other words, you need me?"" She said playfully.

"Non, y'done served y'purpose. Remy got hisself t'ree smart, good kids." Remy smirked and laughed as she hit him with the pillow again. "But, if y'offerin' Remy's very interested." He rolled closer to the edge of the bed in preparation for his last comment.

"'Course, don' ever ask Remy t'spank y', Lizzy." He said, rolling off the bed as Liz blasted a hole in the wall.

"REMY! You're in big trouble!" She yelled.

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**Next Chapter: Disneyworld and Spousal Abuse!**

Doza – thanks for commenting! I really appreciate it.

Authorless -SG- -- I love Sinister. He's such an ass, it's funny. It's even funnier to mutilate his character.

B Oots – He has Disneyland in the next chapter. I'm sure you can see how taking three Lebeaus, two of which can blow things up, anywhere is funny, especially there.

BlkDiamond – Haha, yeah, I love Essex.


	5. Disney Fun

**My Reasons III: Babysitting**

**Chapter 5 – Disney Fun**

Remy laid on his stomach, head on the pillow, and gazed into Liz's eyes. She was hugging a pillow, also laying on her stomach. Remy smiled and gently reached over to rub her back.

"Don't even think about it, Cajun!" Liz said.

"Pweeease, Mommy?" Remy said, imitating their oh-so-cute daughter as he pouted and gave her puppy eyes. "Remy loves you, Lizzy."

Liz smiled. "Nuh-uh, Daddy, Mom's real mad at you!" Liz said, just like their sons did, every time Remy did something asinine (which was quite frequently). Remy smirked at her propped his head up in one of his hands, gazing at her flirtatiously. "You know, the older you get, the goofier that smirk of yours is."

"Y'know, da older y'get, da less perky y' –" Remy was silenced when his wife leapt on top of him. "Remy t'ought y'mind respond a lil'bit different t'dat."

Liz leaned down and kissed him. "Such a pity, what shall I tell the children?"

Remy's droopy eyelids widened just as Liz pushed the pillow onto his face and began to smother him. "Sorry, children, I smothered your father in his sleep!" She squirmed as Remy began to tickle her sides and then let go of the pillow to grab his hands. Lacing his fingers with hers, Remy flipped her over, holding her down.

"Now, chere, y'wouldn't kill Remy." He smirked and kissed her. "Dat would break Becky's lil heart. Da boys would jus' blow some stuff up and move on."

She sighed. "She's such a Daddy's girl. I remember the days."

"Ha! Like y'ever gonna outgrow it!" Remy rolled his eyes. "Y'aren't…right?" He asked, slightly panicked. "Cause Remy couldn't handle Becky outgrowin' him. Dat would break mon heart!"

"Oh yes." Liz said, making Remy frown. "She'll fall in love," She kissed Remy. "And then, her man will take your place, and you, Remy Lebeau, will be reduced to…my father!"

"NOOOOON!" Remy said, agonizingly.

"You're sounding a lot like Daddy right now." She said.

"Merde, go back to smotherin' Remy, dat's much better dan dis!" Remy said. "Least Remy'll still have his boys. Dere a handful."

Liz giggled and kissed him. "To say the least. Remember when they were babies and couldn't speak or walk?"

"Oui, dose were good times!" Remy said, chuckling. "Y'noticed we spent most of our vacation from de kids talkin' about dem?" He rolled over next to his wife and sighed. "Do y'miss 'em?"

"No...well, yeah! But still…" Liz said, giggling. "Do you have any idea how much trouble my father is probably having right at this moment?"

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"Hot dogs are not healthy!" Sinister yelled.

"Cake!"  
"Pretzels!"  
"Ice Cream!"  
"Pickle!"  
"Soda!"

"Cheeseburger!"

Fifteen minutes later, all three children were laid out on the grass of Disneyworld, clutching their stomachs. "Grampa, my tummy hurts!"

"And you wonder why because…?" Sinister asked Adam, who had single-handedly downed more food than should have physically been possible.

"You let us!" Etienne yelled. "You're s'possed t'be a doctor!"

Becky groaned and crawled into Sinister's lap. "And you children! You have a large cavity that leads to your stomach. Do try to limit the amount and quality of what you put into it!" Whining for what seemed to be the millionth time, Becky pulled on his shirt.

"Grampa, I wanna ride the teacups!" She said.

"No way! She picked the last one!" Adam said. "Scary rides!"

"Yeah!" Adam said.

In truth, Sinister was slightly frightened by some of the rides. He hated being startled more than anything, especially with the Lebeau kids bringing his paranoia to peaks unknown. And they had bickered non-stop over what they were going to do. Mediating demons, it seemed, was something he had neglected to master during his long life. "Alright, we will ride ONE scary ride and then we will ride the teacups."

"Pirates!" The twins said unanimously.

After a very long wait, during which Sinister covertly used a special gas to make people lose interest and thus shorten the line, they finally got up to the ride. Becky, who was just barely tall enough to get on the ride, sat next to her grandfather, holding on to him for dear life. "It's just a ride, sweetheart." He said.

Etienne laughed. "Look, Becky's scared!"

"Etienne…" Sinister threatened. Just as the ride was starting, Becky began to cry, the twins began to laugh even harder, and Sinister was caught off guard and ended up blasting the crap out of part of the ride. All of the people riding began to scream, the twins then whooped and picked the locks on their collars, assuming Sinister's outburst to be justification for them to use their powers.

"Yay t'go, Gramps!" They yelled, pointing at Sinister, who cowered beside Becky, who was crying out of sheer terror. By the time the ride ended, half of it had been demolished and the twins discovered the 'charging game,' which involved hanging off the ride and charging anything their hands touched. Stunned by the damage, it took Sinister a moment to regain composure after the ride stopped.

Of course, two security guards were standing by, wanting to question the mutants. "Police! We're gonna be on COPS!" Adam yelled as the twins seemingly disappeared into thin air, utilizing their learned thieving tactics. Weighing his options, Sinister decided to pick Becky up and teleport away, then come back for the twins. Until Adam suddenly reappeared and stole one of the guards handcuffs, handcuffing the two guards together as his brother stole the other guards cuffs and cuffed the other guard to the metal railing. Both security guards were unable to chase them as Sinister teleported them to a different area of the park.

"What were you thinking!" He started yelling at the obviously satisfied twins. "Where on earth did you even learn that?"

"Papa!" They answered in unison as Essex tried to pry Becky off his back. "Cool, huh?"

"NO!" He boomed. "Just wait until I get my hands on your good-for-nothing father!" Sinister said as Becky finally slid into his arms and onto the ground. "What demonic force possesses you?"

"Fun!" Adam yelled.

"How the hell is almost being arrested fun?" Sinister yelled, his panic attack slowly beginning to recede.

"Handcuffs are fun!" Etienne said. "We know you play with 'em, cause we found some under your bed!"

Essex winced and then began laughing loudly. He sat down on a bench and pulled each of the twins onto his lap.

"What's so funny, Grampa?" Becky asked.

"I was just remembering the days I thought having your father around was going to be the death of me." He continued laughing. "This really is so much worse. You kids have to be the worst trio I have ever encountered, and I wrote the book on bad guys. Even Sabertooth is afraid to babysit you!"

"Uncle Vicky!" Adam yelled. "Uncle Vicky never plays with us!"

"That's because you set his fur on fire the last time he came around." Sinister replied. "Now, where are those teacups?"

Just as they arrived at the teacups ride, Sinister turned and cursed loudly. "Where are your brothers?"

Becky, who Sinister had to carry, looked up from his chest. "Dunno." Ready to track them and then take them straight home, Sinister remember that their trackers were attached to the collars, which were somewhere under the Pirates ride.

"What am I going to do with them?" Essex asked his granddaughter.

"Dunno. Can we ride the teacups still?" She asked, beaming up at him.

"Of course!" Sinister said. "I've been wanting to – oh hell, you're an empath! A strong one." He smiled dumbly at the girl. "Okay, let's ride the teacups!"

After a series of princess exhibits, children's rides, and having his picture taken with Snow White AND Cinderella, Becky fell asleep in her grandfather's arms, leaving him to his own free will again. "I sincerely hope she does not realize she has the power to do that." He said as he walked around the park, looking for the twins.

And then he spotted a plume of smoke.

"Well, that was easy." He said to himself as he walked toward it, sneaking up on two red-headed Cajun's who were paying a little too much attention to the fact that they had just blown up Cinderella's Castle.

"Yeah!" Adam said. "Take that, you stupid snob!"

Etienne laughed and gave his brother a high-five. Sinister would later learn that Adam had accosted one of the costumed Cinderella's, met rejection, and blew the entire castle up as vengeance. "I sincerely hope some mysterious disease kills me before they turn eight. God knows what they'll be doing by then." He said, groaning as the four teleported back to his lab.

After putting the children to bed, Sinister lit a fire in the fireplace and threw a single photograph into the fire. Fortunately, what was left of his reputation would be safe. Unfortunately, no one would ever get to see the joy on Sinister's pallid face from meeting his favorite Disney Princess, Sleeping Beauty.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

**Next Chapter: A Fairy Tale, Sinny-Style**

BlkDiamond – Yeah, Remy would be a fun although ultimately asinine husband. Blowing stuff up, acting dumb, then giving his wife that smile…I'm surprised no fanfic author has knocked all his teeth out in a story yet.

BJ – I used to know a snake named Trix. I so stole his story.

B Oots -- Here it is, hope you like.


	6. A Sinister Fairytale

**My Reasons III: Babysitting**

**Chapter 6 – A Sinister Fairytale**

"Grampa, tell me a story!" Becky asked.

"Yeah! Tell us about dad's superhero adventures!" Adam asked.

Sinister furrowed his brows as he sat on the rug in front of the fireplace with the kids, cooking marshmallows with them, indoors. He smiled evilly at them.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, intelligent, perfect princess named Elizabeth." He said.

Becky smiled and beamed. "Mommy!"

Etienne gagged. "We don't want to hear a love story!"

"Be quiet." Sinister said. "This is not a love story. In fact, I hate this story. Because it's true!"

Sinister glared at all of them.

"So, this beautiful princess had but a single flaw – she had no ability to judge men." Sinister said.

"Is dat why she likes you so much?" Adam said. Picking up on the hints of Remy's sense of humor and accent in the boy, Sinister's eyes narrowed. "Are you looking at me? Cause, it's hard to tell when you don't have any teachers."

"Pupils, Adam. Not teachers." Sinister sighed loudly and pulled a marshmallow off the long fork, then forcibly stuffed it in the child's mouth.

"So, meanwhile, there was a thief that robbed castles." He started again and stopped when the boys high-fived on another.

"Dad!" Etienne said, loud enough for both of them.

"Thieves are bad guys!" Sinister exclaimed, hoping it would sway them, but knowing there was little hope. The children worshipped their father, especially Becky. "So, this thief tried to be a superhero, so he could kiss women who…kissed a lot of men." He paused as he attempted to say 'Remy was in it for the pussy' in terms that would not corrupt the children.

"Yeah! Girls!" Adam said. At least, that's what Sinister thought he said, it was hard to tell, with all the marshmallow in his mouth. Displeased he was capable of speaking, he stuffed yet another marshmallow in the boy's mouth. "mhmmh!" He protested.

"Yes, well, anyway…" Sinister said. "Princess Elizabeth's father, King Nathaniel, had the evil Cajun thief do a few favors for him. Of course, his snobby new friends didn't like the King. They didn't mind if someone worked for Magneto, King of Stupidly Directed Hatred and Compulsive Disorders…" The children looked at him blankly. "But, the evil thief knew that if anyone knew about the favors he'd done for King Nathaniel, he wouldn't be allowed to play hero with them."

"Nuh-uh! Daddy tells it different!" Etienne said, prompting Sinister to stuff that boy's mouth as well. Strangely, his tiny mouth required three entire marshmallows to stop noise from erupting from it.

"I always knew you had a big mouth." Sinister said to the boy. "Note to self, stuff Remy's mouth with marshmallows, this may be a genetic trait! I bet I can fit at least ten in there…"

Becky tugged on him and crawled into his lap. "Finish the story!"

"So the evil thief pretended he didn't know me, err…the King!" Sinister said, feigning hurt. Becky's eyes looked slightly sad as he continued. "The wicked thief fell in love with one of the heroes, her name was Rogue."

"Wait…that's not how it goes!" Becky said.

Sinister sighed. "Shhh!" The children were blissfully unaware of most of what Remy had done for the first part of his life. "Now, Rogue wasn't all normal, because she was raised by an insane bitch – err….uhh…witch! I meant witch! Raven, the Witch of Manhating!" Sinister didn't really want to explain that Mystique was a man-hating dyke. A slight sound began to come from Etienne, who soon found more spongy sweetness crammed into his mouth. "So, Rogue was very mean to the wicked thief, and also a hypocrite. Rogue, she was a killer, a mean one!" The children gasped. "She stole powers from other mutants!"

Nostalgically smiling, Sinister continued his horribly contorted version of the events. "So, out of the goodness of his heart, the King told Magneto about how Remy, the evil thief, had done a few favors for him. Magneto was in love with Rogue, so he may or may not have delivered the news in an inappropriate manner."

"Grampa…we don't understand you when you talk like that!" Becky said, almost nagging at him.

"Right." Sinister said. "So, Remy's superhero snob idiot friends decided to put him on trial."

"Like a criminal?" Becky asked.

Tilting his head as his eyelid began twitching, Sinister looked down at the children. "You all DO know stealing is again the law, right?" He'd told them all a million times, but somehow, they instinctively sugarcoated Remy's entire persona. "Nevermind."

"ANYWAY." Sinister said loudly. "Magneto decided to tell everyone that Remy had been friends with King Nathaniel, and his snobby friends decided they hated him. His crazy woman, Rogue, attempted to kill him by…locking him in a huge freezer." Sinister bit into a marshmallow and frowned.

"Out of the pure, good, kind heart of the King, he SAVED the wicked thief and brought him to his castle. He was very sick. Princess Elizabeth helped the King save his life." Sinister leaned in on the children. "Remy turned on the King by taking advantage of his daughter's blindness to fault."

"Goooo Dad!" Adam said, swallowing the last bit of marshmallow. Sinister picked one up out of the bag and waved it at him, which quickly silenced the boy.

"Your father is the villain of this story!" Sinister said. "Remy knew that the King would not approve of his dating Princess Elizabeth, so he used his mutant powers to charm her into lying and hiding their love for one another." Sinister said, taking an unpleasant trip down memory lane. "One day, the King discovered Remy and Princess Elizabeth…uhh…kissing." He shivered. "And soon, the wicked thief asked the King if he could marry his daughter!"

Realizing there was no easy way to explain he had tortured Remy the first six times he asked to marry Liz, Sinister simply moved on. "The week before they were set to be married, the King made an alliance with Xavier, the leader of Remy's super snob friends, who had taken him back. They tried to break the two apart for the good of the world!"

"You didn't want mommy and daddy to be together?" Becky said.

"No." Sinister said. "Uhh…the King, who loved his daughter very much, hoped to eventually arrange a marriage between Princess Elizabeth and Prince Scott, King of Genetic Superiority!" All three children, accustomed to their grandfather spouting about Scott's genes, all rolled their eyes. They barely understood what genes were, and they all hated Scott.

"Pole up his butt Scott?" Adam asked.

Sinister sighed again. "He doesn't steal, sleep half of the day, and works toward honest goals. I'm sorry your father corrupted you so. Scott possesses a sense of responsibility, not a pole up his…butt." The three children giggled when their grandfather said 'butt,' and then waited for him to finish the story. "And the King succeeded at first. But the Princess sat in her tower all day and cried, until she finally decided to blame everything on the King, as if it was his fault she had no taste in men. So, to save her from her sorrow, the King decided to let the evil thief marry Princess Elizabeth."

"Yay!" Becky said.

Etienne suspiciously looked at Sinister. "Papa said you saved him for his pants or jeans or something."

"For his genes, dummy!" Adam said.

Sinister watched the two twins fight and stood up. "For the preservation of your genes, Remy." Sinister said, mocking himself from the day he rescued Remy. He heard an explosion and ordered the children to bed. "Biggest mistake of my life."

………………………………………

_Ring ring!_

Remy sat up and picked up the phone. "'Ello?"

"_It's me." _Sinister said.

"Dat's ambiguous. Y'know y'could be anybody, literally. Who can't say 'it's me' and it not be true?" Remy smirked at the silence. He knew the exact expression Sinister had on his face right then, wrought with frustration and anger, staring at the phone like beating it would somehow transfer to Remy.

"_Remy, I thought I would eventually get over my hatred for you, but I did not. Why is this?" _Sinister asked.

Remy sighed. He heard this about once a week. "Cause y'don' wanna admit y'love dis Cajun!"

More silence.

"_I was just thinking about how Scott Summers should be Becky's father." _Sinister said, curling his lips into an evil smile.

This time, Remy was silent for a moment.

"Remy was just thinkin' 'bout how much he loves livin' in y'house, eatin' y'food, fuckin' y'daughter." Remy replied.

"_Your real mother was a slut."_ Sinister said.

"So is y'daughter. Sex on da first date!" Remy said. "Actually…'fore dat!"

Sinister glared angrily at a picture of Remy on the table next to the phone and blasted it. _"I set you up for your hike in Antarctica."_

"Liz lost her virginity on y'desk." Remy said, chuckling.

Sinister looked over at his desk, and then felt disgust rise in him. _"I tried to inject you with the Legacy Virus and it didn't infect you years ago."_

Remy smiled. "Remy accidentally got Liz pregnant again. Maybe we name dis one Oops?"

"_Accident? An accident is when someone slips and falls."_

"Lots of times. On Little Remy." Remy interjected.

"_You named it?"_ Sinister said. _"That's…disturbing. Wait, did you just tell me Liz was pregnant again?"_

"Oui." Remy said.

_CLICK!_

Sinister walked to his room, locked the door, and laid down on his bed. He was considering the inevitabilities of mortality when he remembered something and quickly redialed.

"_Remy?"_

"Oui?"

"_How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth?" _Sinister asked.

Remy stared at the ceiling. "Eleven."

Sinister again put the phone down and Remy rolled over and snuggled up to his half-asleep wife. "At least dat wasn't strange."

Back at the lab, Sinister turned off the lamp beside his bed. "And they all lived happily ever after."

……………………………………………………………………………

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

**Next Chapter: Chubby Bunny!**

B Oots – Yeah, there will be more of that in the next few chapters. Sinister forced to play with Barbies, etc.

Authorless -SG- -- Not humiliated, just faced with the truth he'll never be able to poison the kids against their father.

BlkDiamond – Sorry for the disappointment. Hope this chapter is better.


	7. Games

**My Reasons III: Babysitting**

**Chapter 7 – Games **

"This is a science experiment!"

"Pulling our hairs out was an 'xeriment. This is weird." Adam said.

_Ring! Ring!_

Sinister furrowed his brows. "Hello?"

"_Daddy? What are you doing to my children?"_ Liz asked.

"Nothing, darling. We were just about to go work on the tree house." Sinister replied. He looked suspiciously around the room. None of the children were even close to a phone. His eyes glanced from side to side, and then fixated on Becky. Becky, who, days before, exerted enough mental power to convince him he loved Disney. Becky who never gets into trouble. When was the last time he'd said 'no' to her? He put his hand over the phone and leered at her. "You telepathic tattletale!" He said, childishly. Becky just shrugged. "Hey!" Sinister yelled into the phone. "When was I going to be informed of this?"

"_Ugh…Daddy, you didn't ask." _Liz replied.

Sinsiter angrily glared at the phone, then at the children. "Fair enough. Are any of you other monsters telepathic?"

"_They all are, Daddy. The boys can only communicate telepathically with one another though." _Sinister heard.

"Treachery!" Sinister cried out. "Remy has poisoned you against me! Put that lazy excuse of a man on the phone right this instant!" He heard a little background noise, then began yelling. "Remy, of all the crooked, stupid, dishonest, lazy, disgusting things you have done to and for me this tops all!"

"_What?"_ Remy said, groggily.

"I hate you!" Sinsiter yelled, slamming the phone down. "I never wish to see your face again."

Remy groaned. _"Y'had m'wife wake up for dis? So y'could tell me y'don' like me? Remy t'inks we got dat all sorted out. Been an asshole t'me since I y'left me in da street of New Orleans t'fend f'myself. Dat's strong language dere. It says 'I hate you, Remy Lebeau.' Remy hates you too, Dad. Did y'forget?"_

"Remy, let me speak to my daughter!" Sinister growled. Why was it that he only seemed dumb when someone was mad at him?

"_Daddy, you haven't answered my question! What are you attempting to do to my children?" _Liz said, more threateningly.

"Have you ever heard of Chubby Bunny?" Sinister said. "I plan to test the capacity of each child's mouth by seeing how many 'jumbo' sized marshmallows they can fit in their little mouths!" He said, with an almost heinous tone. After adding an evil laugh, he paused.

"_Daddy? Do you remember being a scientist?"_ Liz asked. _"Because my father, the man that performed brain surgery on my husband, the oh-so-sly Nathaniel Essex WOULD NOT be conducting any experiment that combined children and marshmallows. I'm good at that game though."_

"How can you be 'good' at a test of mouth capacity?" Sinister asked.

"_No gag reflex, Daddy."_ She said.

"Shut up, woman." Sinister said. "I am wearing my mad scientist skin! Bahahahaha! Hold still, children, this will not hurt a bit!"

Elizabeth Essex Lebeau rolled her eyes and hung up the phone, turning to her husband, who was talking to her stomach.

"Y'got t'ree siblings. And da craziest fucken…ow!" Remy rubbed the side of his head.

Liz pulled him up by the arm so he was facing her. "Developmentally, the baby can't hear you. But I'm getting sick and tired of this rivalry. And you just said the f-word to your unborn baby!"

"Sorry, Mom." Remy said. "So what da hell happened t'ya dad?"

"Problems with Emma. He likes to pretend he's a big bad geneticist when his personal life is in the gutter. You should have seen the fight we had before he set you up to get dumped in Antarctica." She replied.

"Guess dat plan backfired on him, eh?" Remy said.

"Ha, Daddy is pumping our already hyper twins with sugar. I pity his lack of foresight. We'll see how the mad scientist in him handles Adam on a sugar high." Liz said, laughing.

……………………………………………………………

Things were not going well for Mr. Sinister. It wasn't that some devious plan had failed, or that one of the Summers boys was chasing him around, or even an unexpected visit from an enemy.

"How the hell is a mere mortal, much less a child, supposed to open one of these damn things?" He said, untwisting what seemed to be the millionth tie that bound the Barbie doll in its hot pink cardboard prison. He'd once again found himself bribing the Lebeau children.

_POPOPOPOPOPOPOP!_

"BOYS!" Sinister yelled. The two twins walked into Becky's room. "Read the package. For OUTDOOR USE ONLY. Is this 'outside?' Do I really have to tell you that setting off firecrackers is not an indoor activity?"

"Well, most people aren't experienced in handling t'ings dat go boom!" Adam quickly said.

Sinister turned. "You are not experienced in 'handling' anything. You are experienced at the wonderful art of blowing my lab to pieces."

"But—" Etienne said.

"Out!" Sinister yelled. He turned back to Becky with the tattered bits of the wrapped that had been on the fire crackers. "For outdoor use only…I always wondered what kind of idiots would actually attempt to use these indoors."

"No 'fence Grampa, but buying my brothers 'xlosives was a dumb idea." Becky said.

"Agreed, darling." Sinister was vaguely aware that his frustration seemed to melt slightly, but the next thing he knew, he was digging through Becky's 'Barbie Box,' attempting to find a top in a shade that complimented the pink skirt his Barbie already wore.

"What about this?" He said, perching a grey tank on his pinky finger.

"No!" Becky yelled, as if offended.

"Sorry." He had come to his senses but was curious as to what type and color Becky would find acceptable. That was his excuse at least.

_CLANG!_

Arclight, Sabretooth, and half of the former Marauders entered the lab, only to find their great leader sitting on the carpet of Becky's room, making the girl giggle as the topless Barbie in his right hand did a rigid, asinine dance.

_My name is Barbie  
Mattel is full of idiots  
Cause I'm impossible  
And would have to walk like an ape  
With limbs like these!_

He began to make ape-like sounds and gestures until his head slowly turned and realized, with horror, that he was being watched. "What? You insolent slugs!" Sinister squeaked. "Get out!"

Arclight smiled. "Or what? You'll make that Barbie bend at the knees?"

Sinister put his hands over his granddaughters ears. "Or I will torture you to death and clone your body. I recently developed a nerve agent that will turn every pain sensor in your body on at once. While you suffer intense agony, I will peel you like a tomato and then submerge you in a vat of acid." He uncovered the girl's ears as Arclight stepped back and fled.

"Now," Sinister said, pulling the skirt off the Barbie and replacing it with a white wedding dress. "We all know Barbie has no right to wear white."

"Neither did I."

Sinister turned to see yet another person standing in the doorway, only this one he didn't hate. "Nice, Dad, playing with Barbies." She giggled as Becky ran right past her and leapt into the air, caught by none other than the Cajun thief himself.

"'Ello, Princess!" Remy said. "Y'been 'nuff trouble f'Grampa?"

"No, Adam and Etienne were." She replied.

"Well den." Remy kissed his daughter. "Since y'brothers are outside blowin' stuff up, we can t'you da news 'fore dem. Y'gonna have a lil' brother or sister. Mommy's gonna have a baby."

Becky's eyes sparkled and, as a particularly loud explosion caused Elizabeth to go put an end to the Lebeau twins' assault on nature, she asked the question neither Remy nor her grandfather wished to answer.

"Daddy, where do babies come from?"

………………………………………………………………………


	8. Conclusion

**My Reasons III: Babysitting**

**Chapter 8 – Conclusion**

**Seventeen Years Later…**

Remy combed his silver hair and smirked at the mirror. "Still s'damn sexy."

"Daddy?" Andrea Lebeau, the youngest of his four children, knocked on the door. "I need money."

"For?" Remy asked.

"I'm going shopping with Becky and…Becky. Just Becky and I." She said.

Remy opened the door. "Is Becky da only person dat's goin'?"

"Of course." Andrea said. Remy knew she was lying.

"Papa gotta get a few t'ings, maybe he come wit' his filles?" Remy smirked as he saw her mouth the word 'Shit.' As she turned, he pick pocketed the cell phone from her jacket pocket. "Hey, y'got any toothpaste?"

"Yeah, in my top bathroom drawer." Andrea replied.

Essex was standing in the lab near the kitchen looking into a microscope when he heard Andrea talking to her older sister. _"I swear, Daddy must be telepathic or something. He always knows when we're lying!" _Sinister shook his head and smiled. Andrea was a boy-magnet of the worst kind; Sinister and Remy had actually devoted a sizeable amount of their recent years shielding the infamously gorgeous Lebeau girls from men. A tesseract opened in the kitchen and Becky flipped her cell phone shut as she headed toward her bedroom with a strange looking book under one arm.

Essex heard a huge crash and went to investigate, knowing long before he got to the living room that he was going to find the monsters wresting. Adam and Etienne, both 'adults,' (at least in terms of biology) had grown up to six-and-a-half feet tall, and fairly muscular. Arrogant, reckless, and crazy like their father, Sinister was never really sure they had the capability to grow up. As he opened the door, Adam toppled into him and knocked him to the floor.

He sighed and stood up. "Adam, you have all of the strength of your father and NONE of his grace."

Etienne chuckled. "Maybe it's a recessive gene he got from you, Gramps."

"Maybe." Essex said. "Anyway, you know how much I hate it when you destroy my home."

"You've told us a few times." Etienne said. "Hey, I hear mom!"

The ridiculously tall boys ran full-speed to their mother. Adam joking yelled "Mommy!" and grabbed Liz, hugging her so that she hung a foot from the floor.

Liz laughed as she stood on her own again and put a grocery bag down on the table. "How are my little monsters?"

"Little? Monsters?" Adam said. "Monsters, maybe. We've been taller than you since we were what, eleven?"

"Awww…you'll always be my little monsters." Liz said, laughing. "So, why are my boys acting so nervous?"

……………………………………………………

Remy walked down the hallway, toothbrush in hand, listening to his daughters chatter. They were like night and day; Becky was sweet, always talking about positive things. And Andrea, she could be meaner than hell. But funny.

"I can't believe Scott actually made us do that!" Andrea said. "Danger Room? 6AM? What an ass!"

Remy chuckled.

Becky sighed. "It's not that bad after awhile, Andrea. Have you talked to the boys?" Remy narrowed his eyes. The telepath had found ways to mask her behavior from her father, but he knew something was up. Remy went into the bathroom that connected the two girls' rooms and scavenged through drawers for toothpaste. Tampons, eye shadow, perfume, face cream, and finally, a tube of toothpaste.

He watched them in the mirror as they kept talking about something Remy couldn't quite hear, then saw Becky hide the mysterious book. He stared off into space as he thought about what might be in the book, then spotted something in the trashcan, choked, and spat toothpaste all over the sink.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Andrea asked.

"Non! Err….Oui!" He yelled, slamming the bathroom door shut. Remy's stomach turned about a billion times as he took the pregnancy test out of the trashcan. "Merde." He considered his two possibilities. There was Becky, who was older, dating Scott Summer's kid, and then there was Andrea, who had been sneaking around with God only knows who. Plus, Andrea was only sixteen. "Calm down Remy, y'gonna have a heart attack." He said to himself as he tossed the test back in the trash, cleaned up his mess, and walked out. "Alright, who's ready t'go shoppin'?"

Nobody showed up at the mall, and Remy came home having lost six hours and over $1200. They left with the boys shortly after Remy brought them home, and Remy went to seek out answers. "Sinny!" He yelled. Sinister peered at him from the shadows. "Dere y'are. Whatcha doin'? Rememberin' y'good old days as a madman?"

"The children are keeping secrets from us." Sinister said.

Remy nodded. "One of my babies is pregnant." He said, angrily. "The book!"

A few minutes later, Sinister and Remy were sitting on the floor next to each other with the strange book. It was labeled 'Confessions: A History of the Real Fantastic Four.'

"Da truth is in dis book." Remy said.

"Yes." Sinister said.

"But dis is private, prolly just f'da kids." Remy said.

"Remy, as a mediocre man and a good father, it is your duty to invade their privacy." Essex told him. "We'll read it, then put it back. No one will ever know."

Remy looked up at his father-in-law, smiling. "Y t'ink Remy's a good papa?"

"Are you kidding?" Sinister said. "Anyone who can raise Adam and Etienne with any outcome that doesn't involve death or prison is a spectacular parent."

Remy chuckled. "Don' get y'hopes up. Dey might end up in jail yet."

Remy and Essex briefly grinned and then opened the book.

………………………………………………………………………………

**THE END!**

**To my readers:**

**I still get a lot of hits for the My Reasons series, even this one. So, should it end here? I don't want to be like some Hollywood bastard that keeps adding stuff on until nobody cares. So, leave me a review, continue with part IV or end it here?**

**Special thanks to all of my faithful reviewers!**


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